There’s nothing like using a little bit of charm to win over the hearts of your date’s friends. The movie “Hitch” goes as far as to point it out in its storyline. The main character, played by Will Smith, advises his socially inept client that when he meets his love interest’s best friend, the evening should be about wooing this third party. Our friends are an active part in all of our relationships, after all, and what they think of the people we’re with certainly carries weight. They wouldn’t be our friends if we didn’t respect their opinions, right? If you’re looking to ensure these influential parties don’t sabotage your relationship, you should put extra effort into winning them over from the start.

Charming your boyfriends or girlfriend’s friends will take a plan. Start by getting out a piece of paper and writing down what qualities you would look for in someone who you’d pick to date your best friend. Would level of affection be on the list? Would how they dress be important? What values would you expect them to have? By no means am I suggesting that you change who you are. After all, you were the one who landed this catch in the first place. Still, a little extra thought might help you in a tight situation.

“Third wheels and the public in general don’t always feel comfortable around excessive displays of affection.”

When you meet them, make sure you give them the level of attention that you give to your date. Level of attention and type of attention are two different things altogether. For example, staring at your date’s chest, although inadvisable, might still be acceptable. Staring at your date’s friend’s chest is ground for dismissal.

Another pitfall of new relationships is the level of intimacy you share. In those early days, you might be inclined to be pawing at each other whenever a chance presents itself. When you’re out with their friends, though, you need to tone this down. Third wheels and the public in general don’t always feel comfortable around excessive displays of affection.

Make sure that you include everyone in conversation. If they talk too much, listen politely and hold your tongue. If they are a little quiet, make sure to ask questions so that they feel involved. People generally like to talk about what they’re doing and what interests them. With that piece of paper still out, jot down anything you can remember about what your date has told you about them. This will help you tailor your conversation to their strengths and they’ll appreciate the extra effort.

There are certain areas that you should try and avoid at all costs. Religion, politics, money, and sex are subjects that could cause you problems that you don’t need on a first meeting. After you’ve been accepted into the fold, these subjects are fair game, but not until after the first meeting. If you find yourself being led it that direction, play it down and try and steer yourself away.

Your best source for how to charm your date’s friends, however, is your date. Ask them beforehand what these people are like, what makes them tick and what things you should be aware of that could sour the meeting. Preparation is essential to excel at most areas of life and charming the pants off your date’s friends is no exception!