When you start responding to personal ads, do you go nuts and talk about the children you want to have with this special someone whose ad you saw recently? Or do you keep things nice and formal and phrase the email the same way that you would write a cover letter for a job application? First impressions can be tough, and beyond the initial glance at someone’s personal profile that first email will probably be the introduction that most people remember. Think of it as the first flirty encounter on the street, but with email you have a real advantage. It is your chance to take a bit of time and write something witty and charming, and you’ve got all the time in the world to think of the right thing to say.

The same sort of guidelines for personal profiles can be applied to the first email. Remember to keep things personal without sounding like you’ve been stalking them: you definitely need to add some personal details from their profile so that you don’t give the impression that this is some sort of mass email that you’re sending out to a hundred different potential partners. An inclusion of a number of their personal details will make you seem genuinely interested in that particular person and not like someone who just ran across a pretty picture while browsing through the personals.

The intro email should be catchy and most importantly, not too long. The last thing that people want to do is read a ten page intro sentence asking for a meeting. You don’t have to tell them your life-story–just give a few complimentary details about yourself that you think matches up with the recipient, and a few questions to find out a little more about that person. This is the introductory phase, and you just want to find out a little more about the person so you can get an idea if this is an encounter that you want to pursue. This email should have just enough details and questions to keep the two of you interested. Remember, it’s not a job interview, and you can really go into in-depth personal studies after the first few meetings.

There are some bad impressions that can be broadcast with the first message. It’s probably best if you leave your libido at the door. Compliments are one thing that’s great to see in an email, but if your would-be date gets a message that belongs in Penthouse Forum, don’t hold your breath waiting for a reply. This next point is probably ridiculously obvious, but don’t forget to spell-check! You want to be as eloquent as possible, and you might come across as careless if you can’t proofread one of your own messages.

Negativity can be a real-deal breaker as well. Keep things up-beat, and people will be quite interested in meeting a fun, positive person who doesn’t see the glass as half-empty all the time. It’s like selling a house. Any dislikes or disadvantages can easily be turned into loveable quirks as long as you phrase them the right way. As long as things stay on an up-note, people will be a lot more likely to keep the dialogue going.

These little intro emails are like the “meet-cute” scenes in romantic comedies. It’s your chance to test the waters and give your amour an opportunity to see some really fascinating, fun aspects of your personality that might not appear in a personal ad. This is your first contact with an attractive stranger, so don’t put too much pressure on the email. Keep things light and inquisitive, and you’re bound to get the same in return!