There’s nothing more amazing and magical than sharing a perfect kiss with someone you love. Of course, before you even approach a stage where the “L word” comes into play, there will undoubtedly be a “fist kiss.” This can play havoc on the psyche for the uninitiated. But with some careful planning and a little practice, you can master a perfect kiss that will surprise and delight whomever it is that is lucky enough to be planted right in front of you.

Firstly, I will start with a word of caution. The rumors are true. Not everyone kisses the same. Some people move faster and are more aggressive while others are slower and less intrusive. Some use their tongue like a jackhammer on a hot summers day. Some don’t tongue at all. The shape of the mouth also comes into play. Wider smiles kiss and move differently than those with smaller mouths. Having looked at all the differences, there’re two things to know. One is that you can overcome most of these differences with a change in your style. The other thing you need to know is that although it may sound complicated, delivering the perfect kiss is really easy. All you need do is keep the following in mind.

The hardest part about any kiss is deciding on the right time. If it’s a new relationship, you’re about to cross into a different world with that person. It’s a different level of intimacy and it will seem and feel foreign. How to get to the point where a kiss is inevitable is the topic for another article, but for now, we’re going to go with the idea that you can get to the initiation all by yourself.

“If it’s a first kiss, you want it to be a two-way street so you shouldn’t just kiss them.”

So it’s time for you to make-out. Congratulations! This is a special time! It doesn’t matter if you’re a lady or a gentleman. What matters is that you need to act like one or the other. Think about all those onscreen kisses you’ve seen in movies. When it comes to first kisses, the best are usually slow and tender. After all, this is a really intimate moment. Anyone on TV or in movies who looks like they can’t control their hormones during a first kiss usually turns out to be the bad guy and inevitably ends up in jail on sexual assault charges. Trust me when I say that you don’t want your first kiss with someone to end up with you taking a ride in the back seat of a cruiser. That’s never happened to me, but it never looks enjoyable for the people on TV.

A perfect kiss is about communication. You want to communicate love or passion and they want to do the same. This isn’t just your lips and the tongue. It’s about your whole body and mind. Start by looking into their eyes. You will give off signals that you won’t even be able to tell you’re communicating when you move in for the kiss. They’ll know it’s coming and you’re going to want them to know. Look them in the eyes and think about all the good things about them and it will come across. I’m not suggesting you think about how hot their butt looks in those jeans or how low their cleavage is in that shirt. Hey, eyes up! If you think sincere thoughts, like a lady or gentleman, that’s what will come across. You can leave the “other” thoughts for another night.

With your mind in the right place, it’s time to get your head into it. If it’s a first kiss, you want it to be a two-way street so you shouldn’t just kiss them. If you’re initiating, you should be pretty close to them. Look at the distance between you and move your head ¾’s of the way to theirs – again, keep those thoughts in your head! They’ll see the move and they’ll see it in your eyes. If they want to kiss you, they’ll move the rest of the way. This keeps you out of jail and on track for future romance – which is exactly where you want to be!

“This is a kiss and if you’re not in the moment, you’re not doing it right.”

A perfect kiss starts slow. Again, it’s a really personal thing. Keep the tongue out of it at first. You don’t need to open your mouth as wide as it can be. You’re not trying to swallow them, after all. Also, think about the size of their mouth. You don’t want them stretched to their limit if you’ve got an extra inch of lips to play with. Some people kiss very mechanically. It’s open – close – open – close – open - close. The perfect kiss is more organic. It’s more about what you’re trying to communicate with your lips. Open – close – open – close is saying you’re not feeling it. You’re not in the moment. This is a kiss and if you’re not in the moment, you’re not doing it right.

If you’re ready to use your tongue, I would suggest again that you go slow. It’s very much like the kiss. It shouldn’t be a robotic in – out – in – out. You’re communicating with it. You need to think about what you want to communicate. Think slow. Think passion. Think about communicating love with your tongue. It’s soft and subtle. You don’t want to be inside their mouth, really, unless you’re after that piece of steak that was left over from dinner that’s caught in the back of one of their molars. You should meet in the middle. Using the tongue is a little more difficult. You have to still kiss with all of the passion and thought above and do the same thing with your tongue. It’s like rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time. With practice, you’ll get better.

Lastly, you should have a backup plan or at least consider how to respond if your ¾ move doesn’t succeed. If they seem to not understand, you can always ask them if it would be okay if you could get a kiss. This is usually one of the best ways to ensure success. If they start backing away with a crazed look on their face, you can always try the old “Relax, I was just trying to see the color of your eyes” bit. Obviously, you don’t want to be awkward at all so getting permission beforehand is generally your best bet.

If you keep all this in mind, you will master the art of a perfect kiss. Your dates will be happier for it and trust me when I say that if you’re going to put time into mastering one skill, this is it!