The first kiss is a monumental step for a new relationship.
It’s the one that breaks down boundaries and gives a voice to what two
people have been feeling inside for each other. But it’s not always clear
when the first kiss should happen. Thoughts on this range from kissing
whenever the moment strikes you to waiting until you forget what kissing is
all about before even attempting it. This also depends on geographic and cultural
beliefs, but for this article, we’re going to concentrate on what’s
acceptable in North American culture with two people looking to build a relationship
based on something beyond physical intimacy.
“You never kiss on a first date?”
asked a woman I went out with once. “That’s so contrived. You need
to feel out the situation and judge it on its merits. If the moment is right,
it doesn’t matter if you’ve only known each other for an hour.”
This was the response I received after a discussion on the right moment for
the first kiss. Two clear points come from this incident.
Firstly, being able to tell when a kiss on the lips is a good
move can be difficult even for the most seasoned pro. No matter what your
experience level is with dating, never kissing on the lips on a first date
is a safe and recommended choice for anyone who isn’t 100 percent positive.
If they want to kiss you, they will certainly still want
to the next time you go out. If they don’t want to be kissed, it’s
basically assault to lay one on an unwilling party. You’ll never lose
major points by holding back on a first date. If you do, they’re probably
after something else besides a relationship, which is all fine and well, but
those types of relationships aren’t the focus here. There’s a
lot of pressure around the kiss. Kissing doesn’t come with
every dating situation—just the special ones. The lips are off limits
until you’re sure they’re ready. Even then it’s an art.
We’ll discuss that in a moment, but a kiss on the cheek
at the beginning and end of a date is as far as you should go if you have
any desire to make it to date number two.
"No matter what
you think you know, you really don’t know a damn thing until someone
kisses you back—or slaps you if you judged poorly."
The second point that comes out of the story of my date was that it’s
not always a bad idea to probe a situation—to test the waters. I don’t
recall who brought up the conversation of kissing, but judging
how the date ended with both of us battling it out in a serious contest of tongue
strength, it doesn’t really matter who. What does matter is that a little
bit of conversation can help save the day and assure you you’re both on
the same page. If you can talk about it and there’s an understanding that
a kiss is quite acceptable, then it’s on to the next step of ensuring
you're doing it right.
No matter what you think you know, you really don’t know a damn thing
until someone kisses you back—or slaps you if you judged poorly. Save
yourself the pain with the three-quarters rule. If you are getting all the signs
that a date is going well and a kiss is on the horizon, first off... BREATHE!
Don’t worry about the moist palms and the beating of your heart, but it
might be a good idea to drink some water and moisten those lips immediately
before. When it’s that time, move slowly. Bring your head closer to theirs
and look them in the eye. Your look will tell them all they need to know. Whatever
you do, stop three-quarters of the way to them and wait. If they want to kiss
you, they’ll come the rest of the way. If not, you can ask them if they
wouldn’t mind checking if you have anything in your teeth. Although less
than poetic, you may find it easier to handle than the apparent rejection of
First kisses have no set rules. Life would be so much easier
if there were. If you’re unsure about a kiss on the lips, the cheek is
usually a great and non-threatening way to start. You’ll never go wrong
by opening the floor to discussions on the issue and you might just find out
something you need to know. When the timing is right, go slow
and ensure they’re ready for it. The first kiss is always a moment to
remember, so take the time to make sure it’s perfect for you both!
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