« Letting Go of a Relationship | Main | Finding and Arab Husband Ain't Easy »
March 16, 2007
Abusive Relationships
I suppose when most people think of an abusive relationship they would think of physical violence. Those situations are, of course, terrible and thankfully I have never been involved in one of those. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to watch someone I cared about trapped in a situation like that. However, often a mentally abusive relationship can be just as painful and it can be so hard to recover from it.
A good friend of mine was in a relationship that I would consider mentally abusive. Her boyfriend didn’t respect her, he spoke degradingly about her and their private life to his friends and their relationship way down on his list of priorities. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before the relationship ended although I am sorry to say it wasn’t her that did the leaving.
What I have noticed is that this relationship had a profound effect on her self-esteem. Unlike other people who would look back on his behaviour with anger, my friend felt only sadness. I never saw her energized with rage, empowered by rage as so many people seem to become when someone has treated them badly. Nowadays, she seems to be attracted to men who aren’t equipped to see her as their equal or make a serious commitment to her. She experiences one bad relationship after another and is constantly disappointed and discouraged by this. Although we haven’t spoken about it specifically, I feel that she almost believes this to be what she is worth, how relationships should be for her, almost as if it’s all she deserves. Certainly no man that I have ever seen her with has taught her any differently than that.
I feel that when wanting to discuss this with her, it is an area in which I
would have to tread carefully. I am not sure what I can do to help her realize
this about herself and certainly I believe that some of this realization has
to come from her first. I truly hope that she can see what a great partner she
would make for any decent man and can soon find a healthy relationship. Perhaps
with some counseling she would feel differently about herself, jump on a dating
site and keep searching for the perfect guy.
Posted by CupidsReviews Doug at March 16, 2007 12:40 PM
