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January 12, 2008
Atheist Guy Meets Pretty Christian Gal: An Old Story
Maybe the story is really not that old. I suppose that pretty Christian women have been around for a long time, but atheists and agnostics are a fairly recent phenomenon. Anyway, whether it is an old story or a new one, it was a pretty strange and unique experience in my life that made me start to understand the why there are so many Christian Dating sites, and other religious dating services out there.
It all started when I met this pretty Christian woman. Actually, I didn't realize she was Christian and pretty is, maybe, the understatement of the year. I was out with some friends when I got introduced to this woman who is simply breathtaking. She's beautiful, graceful, hysterically funny and extremely well educated. She embodies everything I like in a human being. Once I regained the power of speech and stopped stammering like a dolt, I asked her out.
We went out to dinner a few days a later and had what was, to me, one of the most fantastic first dates I've ever had. We didn't do anything particularly special I suppose, but we hit it off right away. There was none of that initial awkwardness that usually makes things so difficult at first. The two of us just started talking as though we were already old friends. The people I've met in my life with whom I've been that comfortable are few and far between. I can probably count them with the fingers on one hand. This, I thought, was going to be something really special.
I'm pretty sad to say that it didn't end as well as it began. It didn't end badly or anything, it's just that it didn't last long and I wish it had. It all went downhill when the topic of religion came up. It's not something I usually talk about or that I would even think to talk about. I'm an atheist and the whole thing is kind of a non-issue for me. I don't mind if people believe whatever they want so long as they don't expect me to believe also. It's not that I don't want to; it's just that I can't.
I was pretty surprised when she asked me if I believed in God. I know lots of people who are religious, but none of them have ever cared whether or not I believed in anything. For this pretty Christian woman though, it matter deeply. It makes sense I guess. It's not a matter of having any kind of religious fantasy, it's just that she can't understand how she could share her life with someone who sees the world in a critically different way.
It seems to me to be a little over preemptive, to decide before anything even really started that it couldn't work out. On the other hand, given how quickly I was developing feelings for her I suppose it's better that it she was up front about what she expects. I can respect someone who knows what they're looking for and what they need. I'm a little sad that I won't get to see what would have grown between us, but it's probably better for both of us that things didn't go any farther.
Posted by Leon at January 12, 2008 2:40 AM
Comments
Well, I'm Atheist and the girl I'm dating is Christian and has a 5 year old son. I love her and want to try a real relationship as a couple but can never make up my mind if this is a wise choice. Only I would know...and everyone I ask say, don't do it. I hate life right now and wish I never met her in a way.
I spend more time doing this and thinking about this than working or sleeping. I wish I could make up my mind but feel eventually, I will just freak out again if I do one or the other. "listen to your gut" ....bad advice...that thing flips like pancake.
Her family would prob. drive me crazy with the religious thing and I would never believe in a mythical being. I can't. I always take it a few steps further and wonder about kids....if I had one with her down the road...way down the road....how would we cope?
Posted by: Confussed guy at February 5, 2008 1:56 PM
Dear Confused Guy,
I won't tell you to listen to you're gut, things like this aren't that simple. I know you're dealing with a difficult dilemma and, for what it's worth, it speaks well of you that you're putting as much thought into the problem as you are and that you're thinking about the future.
I've also always found it a little difficult to be in relationships with religious people if they can't accept that I can't share their beliefs. The one common ground I've been able to find is usually over the fact that we're all trying, sincerely, to figure out how to live well and responsibly.
I can't quite wrap my brain around God or gods, but that doesn't mean I can't share someone's values and respect the aspirations of their beliefs if not the form of them. That has usually been enough for me to get along with them. Of course, they have to be willing to make the same effort, but if you care this much about someone, I suspect the mutual respect is there even if there are problems of articulation and comprehension.
I wish I had some concrete advice to for you, but it's not a decision anyone can make for you want it would be right to push you one way or the other.
Go easy on yourself and take care.
Posted by: Leon at February 6, 2008 10:34 AM
