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June 6, 2005
Breaking Up: Hard to Do?
It’s funny that things like breaking up with someone seem so simple from an outside perspective. Take the recent near-demise of a close friends relationship. He had been dating this girl for a number of months and decided it was time to bring her out with his friends. A few glasses of wine and a number of shots of an uncertain nature later, she was dancing the tango with every Tom and Dick at the bar.
This was an instant warning sign to all those around, yet he chose to hang on. Breaking up seems like the obvious best choice but for some reason he stays with her. Why is it people are so reluctant to let the axe fall when certain elements of a solid relationship seem to be missing? I sharpen my blade twice a week to ensure it’s ready to go at a moments notice. Maybe this also explains why it’s been so long since I’ve had a serious relationship! Breaking up is easy to do – whooohooo!
Posted by CupidsReviews Doug at June 6, 2005 4:17 PM
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Hummm...
I think you're forgetting a LOT here with regards to human nature... and if some guy I'd been dating for "months" broke up with me for dancing with other men at a bar, I wouldn't want him, either.
Breaking up is only easy to do if one is at ease with oneself. If you are not comfortable with who you are, it's likely that you are still trying to come to terms with who you are. Remember that cliche, "you can't love someone unless you love yourself"? It is true. And it's very difficult to leave someone if one is unsure of one's identity, because that person often will become too much of a part of it... So, this would beget the question: how does one leave themselves?
Those "six simple steps"... I can't tell you how many magazine articles I've read over the years regarding which method is best to break up with someone - I'm sure you know that women's fashion magazines like Cosmo and Glamour are littered with them. What they don't say is that, without self-assurance and a wee bit of pride, their advice means diddly-squat, because without those things, you will be left feeling like nothing after showing that ex the door.
:(
Posted by: K. Leigh at June 6, 2005 9:33 PM
Very good point. It's the "nothing" feeling that kills ya! BUT, from where I sit - being single for so long - it's hard to imagine that feeling again. I know I've felt it and will do so again. I just wonder when . . . ;)
Posted by: Doug at June 7, 2005 11:01 AM
You'll have to refresh me on the length of time you've been single... because I have been since the end of December/beginning of January... Maybe I haven't lost that feeling because of my genetic make-up? Lol. Hmm...
Do you never desire a lover's touch again? Do you ever sometimes wonder what it might be like to cuddle up next to someone to watch that next TV show or movie? What about creating memories together by doing x, y, or z, so that the two of you can reminisce at a later date? Or how about the last time you had a cold; wouldn't it have been nice to have someone bring you a cup of soup without you having had to request it or do it yourself? These are the things that we miss (well, *ahem*, I personally do) when we aren't in a relationship, the things that may make us feel like nothing, almost as if we aren't existing, because our lives are not being shared by someone else...
~ but ~
I think you may have misunderstood what I was saying, because one who is secure in themselves will not feel quite as empty as, say, someone who is less than 50% (lol, like I know the statistics).
See, I will hopefully not ever feel that same depth of nothingness ever again, because I will not be giving up everything that makes me "me" all at once next time, thus I will not feel betrayed nor empty if a relationship does not work out - I will have kept a little bit for myself. Meh, okay, maybe I'll feel half-empty, but the cup will still be half-full.
Get it?
*frustrated* I'm not clear today. Gr.
Hope all went well this morning.
Love you babe.
Posted by: K. Leigh at June 7, 2005 11:30 AM
I desire all of those things. Sometimes, like today when I wake up with dreams of exgirlfriends fresh in my head, I feel it more than others. But I see what you're saying about not feeling like "nothing" ever again. That's a big change in thought and I'm glad you've rounded the corner on it!
Whoohooo!
Posted by: Doug at June 8, 2005 12:37 PM
Posted by: K. Leigh at June 9, 2005 12:56 AM
Breaking up is hard to do, I agree...but actually being in a relationship is harder. People break up sometimes becasue it's easier than putting the work into a relationship. I don't know what it is, but people nowadays don't seem to understand that relationships take WORK. They aren't always FUN. You will hit a rough patch. You will have your problems. People just seem to bail at the slightest hint at incompatibility. Let me save some of them a lot of work.
There is not such thing as the "ideal" mate. There was agreat line in "Good Will Hunting" that summed it up best.
"You're worried that she'll realize you're not perfect. Let me save you the trouble, sport...neither is she. It's whether or not you're perfect TOGETHER that matters."
Exactly.
Moxie
SexandMoxie.blogspot.com - Tales of Dating in NYC
Posted by: Moxie at June 10, 2005 12:17 AM
Live with your lover before getting married
Posted by: DI at February 8, 2007 8:09 PM
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