Cupids Dating Blog

It was just one of those weddings where everything looks like it's going to go exactly as planned, but then three minutes in it turns into something out of a sitcom. There was even a moment when a couple made out in the coatroom! Well, technically that ebony beauty and I weren't a couple, but you get my point.

To start things off, the best man showed up so hung over from the bachelor party that he had no idea where the groom's ring was. Luckily, it was in his pocket the whole time and he was just too blitzed to realize it. We still made a mad dash all over the dude's apartment, though. Good thing the black sexy bride never found out about this.

Speaking of whom, I later found out that one of her ex-boyfriends tried to get her to run away with him while she was getting ready! Can you believe it? Apparently, he made some epic jerkish speech about how he'd never mistreat her again and that the three women he slept with while they were together a few years back mostly meant nothing. Not only did he literally use the word "mostly," but also he hit on the beautiful black women making up the bridesmaids after the bride-to-be totally turned him down. What a skeeze!

The final catastrophe was by far the most epic of the day. Senior, the bride's dog, was dressed up in a cute little tuxedo and sitting obediently in the front row. However, something must have caught his eye, because he suddenly went spastic and attacked the black sexy bride's train! At one point, he got a good mouthful of the silk fabric and "riiiiip!" There she was standing with her butt exposed in white underwear.

Now I could see why my buddy fell in love with her. With the wedding thoroughly halted and the blushing bride without part of her dress, she merely adjusted her veil, picked up Senior and continued her walk down the aisle. The two adoringly said their vows, kissed and waved to the crowd. Here's to many happy returns!