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September 13, 2006
Dating the Stranger
How do you feel about the first conversation or meeting you have with a stranger you’ve met online? Are you one of those people who thrive on the excitement of putting chemistry to the test? Or perhaps you fear it, much like some fear public speaking? I always thought it funny that people generally fear public speaking more than death, but isn’t meeting a stranger for coffee -- or even just chatting on the phone -- a little like getting on stage and being put in the spotlight?
I’m not sure what makes that first conversation or meeting go bad. Is it that you really don’t know what to say and the wrong things just keep coming out? Or is it that your nerves get to you and you end up spouting remarks that do anything but warm the soul of your new love interest? I have luckily been able to avoid these situations for some time. I think part of it is that I haven’t met anyone that interesting where worrying about screwing up conversation comes into play. The other part might be that I’ve had enough experience dating that I realize there’s not much to fear. The question, though, is if there’s anything you can do beforehand to shake your nerves out – besides downing a torrent of tequila.
I’ve heard of people prepping questions beforehand so that if any awkward pauses came, they’d have something to fire with. That’s not a bad idea. It also helps to keep in mind that any questions you ask should ideally start with ‘how’ or ‘what.’ These tend to bring longer answers to the lips. Another good idea is to go back through old emails, instant messaging transcripts and revisiting their online dating profile. These should give you a few more resources that you can use to develop questions. Asking questions keeps the other person talking, which gives you more room to think up more questions. If anyone stumbles, it will be them. And if they do, make sure to go easy on them. After all, we all know how hard it is to be put in the spotlight!
Posted by CupidsReviews Doug at September 13, 2006 6:50 PM
Comments
I usually resort to interviewing people if I'm struggling - everybody loves to talk about themselves so just ask loads of questions! It's what i do for a living though... not the ideal way to spend my free time :(
Posted by: zuzula at September 15, 2006 9:18 AM
My problem is that I'm basically afraid of women. I find it impossible to have any conversation at all without getting visibly nervous. Red face , shaking. Very sad indeed.
Posted by: Dan at September 18, 2006 4:45 PM
