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July 6, 2007
Falling Into a Platonic Relationship
Chris Rock had a stand-up bit from a few years ago, where he stated that the men accidentally gain platonic relationships. According to Rock, women picked up male platonic friends all the time without any chemistry or baggage. On the other hand, guys wound up in platonic relationships because the courtship they had going with a woman took a wrong turn somehow, and they ended up in the "friendzone". I think that's a gigantic generalization (not that Rock would deny that - it was just comedy bit and not some speech given at a marital counselor convention) but the fact remains that platonic relationships arise from a wide variety of factors including school work, meeting friends online, and yes, failed courtships. What's important is the friendship itself, not necessarily how it came into being. But are platonic friendships between a man and a woman strong enough when romance has been removed?
One misconception that's got to be cleared out of the way is the notion that ALL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN THE GENDERS ARE SEXUAL. Unless you honestly view very member of the opposite sex as a potential sexual conquest (for the sake of this argument let's say that this is a hetero person that we're talking about), chances are good that you've encountered people who simply failed to spark an attraction. This isn't to say that these encounters are with unattractive people - it simply means that while the sexual chemistry wasn't there, the person's other qualities shone through. It's not all that different from making friends in any other sense, except in this case the person belongs to the gender that you would normally be attracted to.
On the other hand you may actually have been in the situation that Mr. Rock described - you took your chances on love (or at least lust), lost out, but still remained friendly with the former object of your affection. This need not be some sort of salvage job - friendships are harder to make as you grow older, and you should be happy to take what you can get. The big issue is whether or not the chemistry that you had will get in the way of your friendships, the last thing anybody wants are pangs of heartache or jealousy when they see a former flame hook up with someone else. It's a case of being stoic enough to carry on with a good friendship despite the occasional mishaps, and sometimes it's easier said than done.
I don't know if I completely buy into the popular belief that there's a dating decline or a lack of interest in sex lives (the existence of our site seems to point to the opposite), but meeting and making platonic friends is a trend that's on the rise. Don't let the wit and wisdom of Chris Rock sour you on the whole concept!
Posted by Glen at July 6, 2007 2:41 AM
