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February 7, 2007
Goodbye to Romance
Tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be 35. There's definitely been a recent shift in my personal paradigm. Many things that I had expected would have occurred by now haven't happened at all. Now, as I did during the holidays in December, I'm taking time to take stock. Again, I'm leaning towards saying goodbye to romance. At least, the pursuit of it, even if it could still be a chance occurrence.
It doesn't help that today, the day before my birthday was actually the date of my late father's birthday. He would have been 70 if he hadn't died and married for over 50 years. Even by 35, he had been married for over 15 years and I, his youngest offspring was already a year old. I do indeed have a bad habit of comparing the unachieved dreams of my youth to the milestones of other folks who lived different lives in completely different times. Call it my charm.
A while ago, I realized that having a relationship wasn't quite the ultimate goal it once was for me. Although, I've changed a lot, there are still remaining vestiges of regret having been brought up with very traditional values. Strangely enough, as much as I reject my early indoctrination, it still causes occasionally in sentimental times such as these, some strife just to let it all go.
Romantically, I'm a used car. Potential mates take me for test drive or it seems more for a ride. I've been summarily shoved back into my dusty parking space for various and sundry faults that were supposedly unbeknownst to my partners when we first met. Meanwhile, I believe my heart has always been worn on my sleeve, as clearly marked as the ticket price across the windshield of any lonely jalopy on the lot.
I blame not the vehicle but the fact that many drivers don't know stick when it comes to shifting into high gear, instead of just giving the gears to someone. Pardon my free mixing of metaphors with a euphemism. Anyway, at least hope if not my youth springs eternal. I finally was back online on one of my favorite dating sites and sent out some messages. After several days of waiting for replies, I just read one from someone I once met by chance in person at a club.
Who knows? Although I've hardly even had my tires kicked by this one, maybe I'll get a little better mileage on this trip. I mean it's a good sign if you made a good enough first impression to inspire someone to take another spin even if it’s only partly on a whim. You know I'll keep you posted.
Posted by Will at February 7, 2007 2:21 AM
Comments
Good luck to you- once you hit the 30s you really start wondering why the fairy tale wedding and romance has not happened 2 you!
Posted by: Nandi at February 9, 2007 8:27 AM
The author is actually well into his 30's. ;) However, it's one thing to start wondering. It's another to listen to those dark voices which will lead you to believe it's not out there. That's when you do something stupid and settle for someone who you'll only divorce later because you think life is supposed to be about being with someone.
Life is really about learning to love yourself and those around you, I think. A good relationship is just an added bonus.
Solo is okay in this world!
Posted by: Cupids Reviews at February 11, 2007 7:38 PM
I believe just like the last poster mentioned that settling for someone, anyone will only bring you more pain later. In all likliness you should enjoy being single as much as possible. Think about all your married friends, I bet most of them which they could be in your shoes -at least a couple days a week! Good luck.
Steve Johnson
www.interraciallife.com
Posted by: Steve Johnson at February 20, 2007 9:57 PM
