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August 8, 2006
How Not to Break Up with Someone
I recently was dumped, which is a good thing, considering it needed to end. Nevertheless, it ended in a very awkward and uncomfortable way. I feel somewhat compelled based on the experience to suggest how things might have been handled better.
We've all known people who nitpick or nag as a way of forcing a partner to leave. Games only work if both parties play. I, for example did not get angry when I noticed my ex escalating into a verbal barrage of criticism much of which contradicted completely previous compliments given. Not baited, I waited for the truth.
Expect the flight or fight response so plan to be somewhere neutral to counteract aggression and with a place for one or the other to run. This last breakup happened in a trailer in a campground far from home with my ex as my only ride home. I felt rather trapped. I kept my cool but felt the fool, nevertheless.
Timing is everything. Nobody deals well with confrontation when tired or vulnerable. I got the news after awkward attempt at romance, late at night. I had no choice after, but to share cramped accommodation in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing like having to sleep with the "enemy" even if with some reflection the next day you might feel less antagonistic.
Afterwards, the break needs to be cleanly made even if eventually you may become friends later. I was stuck in the country for almost an entire day until my ex decided to tackle the heavy evening traffic, having to smile and nod while we spoke to the various acquaintances we'd made with people camping around us.
Generally, the mature and healthy way to react to a situation involving other people is rather simple and seldom counterintuitive.
It seems ridiculous to explain the above points but sometimes in the heat of the moment, we can't see the bad breakup coming towards us in the forest for the trees. We end camping beside our rejection and no matter how wise the decision to end things may be no one can toast marshmallows once the flame has gone out.
Posted by Will at August 8, 2006 10:59 AM
Comments
Break up is always painful though it's essential for some relationships.
Sometimes people come to the end of communication and they really need a break up. Sometimes it's better to break up then to go on with non-existent relationship. Some people prefer not to say good buy leaving their pertners in two minds. They somehow leave the way back open in case they would need to come back. That's unfair! You are right saying that it's better to finish up the relationship even if then you'll become friends.
Posted by: Julia Dorofeeva at August 8, 2006 7:47 PM
