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June 20, 2007
Is Polygamy Acceptable?
Last year a show that would otherwise have been a blip on the cultural radar made a few headlines. The drama Big Love (starring Bill Paxton, with appearances by character heavyweights Bruce Dern and Harry Dean Stanton) was a show about Mormons, with a big emphasis on one of the more sensational aspect of certain renegade Mormons' lives, namely polygamy (the Mormon Church officially banned the practice way back in 1890). The show caused a surprising uproar, and certain critics were not pleased with what they thought was a glowing recommendation of wife-swapping and open marriages. This leaves one wondering - is polygamy/open marriages still a forbidden topic? Does having an open marriage mean that you're not capable of committing to a relationship?
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People engage in polygamy and polyamory (dating different people at the same time) all the time, even if they don't refer to it as such. Casually dating multiple partners doesn't carry the same negative baggage as being married to multiple partners. While serial monogamy is the norm for this modern era (or at least it's the norm for big anonymous Western cities in the modern era) casual dating is also socially acceptable. Being seriously involved or marrying more than one partner is seriously frowned upon, for a long list of reasons. Open relationships, and it's illegal marriage equivalent, bigamy, falls distinctly outside of the social norms.
I don't know if it's a case of social conditioning or biological hard-wiring, but there's a natural hesitance for people to get involved in multiple partner relationships. There's obvious emotional issues at stake here - jealousy, low self-opinion ("Why am I not good enough on my own? Why does my partner need other people?") and a perceived lack of commitment are all part and parcel of these situations. Frequently only one person is enthusiastic about the whole "open" aspect of an open relationship - the other partners may want something a tad more monogamous.
On the other hand, some people manage to make it work. There's a fantastic book out there called The Ethical Slut, which amongst other topics, deals with the moral and emotional issues of open relationships. For some truly dedicated polygamists, having multiple partners is not a blow to the ego - it's an understanding that sexuality doesn't have to be limited to one partner for the next five or six decades. It's a tricky situation, but it's not impossible to have a loving, supportive open relationship.
But judging by the furor that greeted Bill Paxton and Co. last year, I wouldn't bet on bigamy laws being repealed in this country anytime soon. Most people aren't willing to entertain the admittedly difficult concept of making multiple partner relationships work. Society's got a long way to go before open relationships are accepted anywhere outside of the erotic personals section of your local newspaper.
Posted by Glen at June 20, 2007 2:08 AM
