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January 15, 2007
Old Boyfriends and Ex Girlfriends
I have a number of ex-girlfriends who I’m still in contact with. Most are in relationships. Some are happier than others but they all seem to like to touch base from timer to time. It’s one thing to call old friends to touch base, but when you’re calling your old boyfriends or girlfriends, and you’re in a relationship, I think it often casts the caller in a less-than-flattering light.
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I hate being the old boyfriend. I know I shouldn’t, but I’m always thinking about the poor guy who’s dating my ex. Does he know we’re still in contact? Would he approve? Does he have any idea of the things we discuss? I always feel like I’m cheating and I don’t like it.
It is bad enough when an ex calls me and I’m single, but one of these days I’m going to meet someone who I really like. Things are going to get serious and then I’ll have to start questioning any calls I get from my ex girlfriends. I’ve had that happen before.
“Who was that?” would come the obvious question.
“My ex girlfriend,” I would respond, perhaps stupidly.
Sometimes tears would ensue. Other times it would be less painful. Whatever the case, chatting with the ex always seems to bring unnecessary pressures. Maybe that will be my new resolution in the New Year: I resolve to no longer be the old boyfriend who picks up phone calls from his ex.
Have you ever been the old boyfriend or girlfriend?
Posted by cup1d666 at January 15, 2007 12:43 PM
Comments
If someone is contacting you they have a lot of respect for you and your opinion in which case they are worth keeping as a friend. YOu are saying it will cause problems with future girlfriends but if you are trustworthy and truthful about your relationship, then she will understand.
Posted by: wwwww at January 17, 2007 3:45 AM
In my experience men don't like hearing about your past relationships. It makes them question your loyalty to them or your readiness to settle down. Some women like keeping in touch with old boyfriends either because they know the guy is still carrying a torch for them, or because they like to check they are doing better than their ex. Either way, keeping someone around for a cheap ego boost doesn't say a lot of positive things about the woman--to herself or to a current boyfriend.
If you happen to run into an ex- in social situations or on the street, it's nice to be civil, have a quick chat, and catch up, but at the end of the day, that old relationship probably came to an end for a good reason. If that reason is still there, the guy is best in your past, rather than your future.
Posted by: Ginny at May 29, 2007 4:39 PM
Hey. I haven't really blogged that much before, but I need some advice from anyone who's willing to give some. I met a really cool guy over the summer, and we hung out a lot.
I was hanging out with some kids in my neighborhood one day, and we were talking about him. I was a total idiot, and I gave out his aim.
The nex day he calls and says he got an aim that said I made out with another guy. How lame! I would never do that! It turned out to be one of the guys in my neighborhood making up stuff about me.
This girl in my neighborhood tried to help me by aiming him, and telling him the truth. I told her not to, but she did anyway. After they talked she told me he didn't believe her.Whatever, I really don't care about that.
What I do care about is that she kept aiming him, and had a secret relationship with him after we broke up. I found out later from her sister what she was doing.
She said they aren't together, and they just stopped talking. I don't know. I can't think of her the same way anymore. She's a backstabber, and he was a really cool guy, but now I'm obsessed about what happened.
Again, I'm not good at blogging, but can anyone tell me how to stop thinking about it. It's been like three or four months since it happened, and I want to move on. Help!
Posted by: Sally at December 4, 2007 6:35 PM
Hey Sally,
That's a terrible situation to find yourself in. You seem to have most of it figured out, and figured out pretty good by my standards. Usually people get stuck there. They can't let go of the people who have done them harm. You seem to be past that, past the people, but can't get away from that aching feeling that lingers, if I read you right.
Normally this is where I impart my words of wisdom, but I don't have anything good for you. Getting hurt like that leaves a mark and I'm not sure there's anything you can do besides let time work its magic.
I recently had an encounter with a stranger that left me feeling wounded and I keep thinking about it. The only thing that seems to make sense for me is to know that that person isn't in my life now and I will leave them out of it for a reason. So take comfort in the fact that you have seen these people for what they are. Remove them from your life and you should heal a lot faster.
Best of luck!
Posted by: CupidsReviews Doug at December 7, 2007 12:55 PM
