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August 11, 2010
The Adventures Of Sexy Guy And Plain Jane
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's sexy guy! He's faster than a speeding bullet when it comes to getting chicks off sex personals sites and into his bedroom, more powerful than a locomotive (at least, that's what she said) and able to mount tall women in a single bound!
Nobody makes women swoon more than sexy guy does, so when I saw him on a date with a plain Jane, I was a little shocked. Was she really his sister and this wasn't an actual date? The tonsil hockey I saw them playing before the check arrived tells me "no." Now don't get me wrong, it's not like this chick was unattractive or anything, but whenever I saw this dude at a bar, restaurant or dance club, he always had the best beautiful babes hanging on his arm or slobbering all over him.
Once his date had ended, I walked up to my super-powered, sex dating conquistador of a friend and asked what the deal was. He laughed at me and clapped me on the shoulder, saying "Brian, there's more to a woman than just her physical appearance." Actually, he said something a lot more crass than that which meant the same thing, but repeating his words exactly as he said them would make my superhero analogy fall apart. He's actually a good guy, honest! Just ask any of the 112 women he's slept with (and no, that's not a typo)! But I digress. Here I was, shocked that he was literally saying he didn't care if he slept with just another beautiful hottie.
And then he explained why not. Turns out "Jane" is a former professional pornstar. I kid you not! This chick was into all sorts of crazy fun back in the day, apparently. When I asked how he found out, he told me that her sex dating profile linked to free previews of some of her movies, which she decided to appear in so that she could pay her way through college. I have to admit, I was a little shocked, but, having grown up in Montreal with the guy, I knew he had already met and slept with other, far more attractive porno performers. So what made her so special?
According to him, she had certain skills in bed that put all his previous lovers to shame. Some that left me speechless, while others made my jaw hit the ground. I knew that sexy guy had unconventional sexual tastes, but now I knew more secrets about him that were bigger than his true identity. She wasn't his Lois Lane, she was the dude's kryptonite, because this chick really knew how to leave the guy weak and gasping for air!
Posted by brian at August 11, 2010 2:19 AM
