Cupids Dating Blog

Jamie Whyte guest authors a column on The Times, UK (09/11/06). He starts by arguing that the scarcity of something desirable is not resolved by simply devaluing it. He used as analogy some mansions in a desirable part of England.

If the houses were suddenly valued at zero cost, people wanting them would still outnumber the actual number of properties. A shortage would continue even if the value was objectively negated.

He proposed the same would be true of desirable partners. Focusing on inner qualities, people might suffer rejection from lack of intelligence for example rather than appearance. Soon we'd decry the ill effects of a brain-obsessed society.

He argues preoccupation with appearance leads to healthier living. Calorie counting is a good thing in fat Western society. He further concludes that most males, either gay or straight, have a wider choice of partners striving towards physical perfection, as like it or not, that's what most of us find attractive.

He makes valid points in the struggle between idealism and reality. Being selective always leads to unfair rejection. Beguiled by brains or bewitched by brawn, part of the equation is genetics, building muscles or reading a book has limited effects on natural gifts.

However, he seems naïf in his assumption that achieving the "right" weight or having big pecs is necessarily healthy. Both physical goals are quite achievable by unhealthy means, ask any anorexic supermodel or steroid-using muscleman.

Furthermore, a buyer's market with plentiful physical specimens meeting my ideals doesn't help me unless I have the same goods or similar to trade.

Meanwhile, being a better person isn't self-destructive. Cultivating spirituality while caring for people, teaches us how to nurture our own souls.

Perhaps, I'm naïve but I'm more envious of happy individuals than I am of beautiful people. Perhaps, despite my naivety, I'm wise enough to see both groups aren’t the same. Membership in one doesn't make you a charter member of the other.