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June 15, 2007
The Wonderful World of Female Led Relationships
Gender roles, gender roles. We can pretend that immense changes have occurred for the past thirty years, but it's pretty hard to escape a few thousand years of social conditioning. Power dynamics are a big deal, and I don't care how liberal or egalitarian you think you are - there's always going to be SOMEBODY taking the lead and acting as the dominant part of a relationship. Female led relationships aren't anything new; Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor, Madonna, Queen Victoria, Cher are but a few very famous examples of women who've typically taken the lead (although now that I look at that list I notice that only Queen Victoria avoided divorce). It's still pretty hard for guys to get over that nagging egotistical feeling when faced with a woman who takes control, and it's important to remember that sometimes being passive ain't such a bad thing.
When you're committing to a relationship, everybody probably notices the little changes and compromises that we make in order to get the party started (and by "party" I mean "emotional intimacy"). Usually we notice when the other partner takes the lead and pays for things, drives the car, handles the maps, actually cleans the house more often than the other, and dealing with the myriad of teensy tiny details that occupy modern living. Being dominant doesn't mean busting one's hump while the other sits and does Sodoku puzzles all day. But when it comes to situations that demand genuine decisiveness, the dominant partner will leap into the fray and gets things done, out of a sense of chivalry, work ethic, irritation, etc. Sometimes (and let's say for the sake of argument that this is a hetero relationship) it's the woman who deals with these issues, sometimes it's the guy. Sometimes people hate being thought of as passive.
Being the passive partner isn't so awful. When something unpleasant happens, the passive partner can sit back and watch the situation resolve itself (i.e. changing a flat tire, asking for directions, organizing anything, figuring out who pays what). If we really wanted to make this convoluted, it can be argued that it's the passive person who holds the power, in a really subtle sneaky fashion. I'm not trying to argue that people should be doormats - if your lover treats you like a decorative piece of furniture, or if you're sick of not having a say in anything, SPEAK UP. Anger in a relationship, especially unspoken anger, is devastating. But being passive isn't the same as being a slave.
Certain guys need to realize this fact, realize that being the passive partner doesn't make them helpless. You're going to meet people of both genders who just like the feeling of being in charge, and while that doesn't make them superior, a little ego adjustment is needed when a gentleman dates an alpha woman.
Posted by Glen at June 15, 2007 2:01 AM
