Cupids Dating Blog

People have taken sex to a new level now. It is no longer an intimate, passionate, loving and private gift to each other. The "magic" of what it really is has been lost. Like so many other things in society now, such as family unity, monogomy is almost thought of now as something that is the rarity rather then the rule. I will never allow my own principles and values to come second to someone else's and be "ok" with someone cheating on me. If I do, I am as guilty as them. People need to get back in touch with the "passion of being in love" and all that it brings to your life. Once a cheater, always a cheater as far as I am concerned. Kick his or her ass to the curb and take the lesson and make sure it counts. Hell, kids are having "oral sex" now instead of intercourse and saying "well, its not really sex". Teenage girls are dropping to their knees at an alarming rate and "pleasing" their guys because they truly believe this is not really sex and it is safer then intercourse. WRONG ANSWER. The truth is that oral sex is and should be the one act that is considered the MOST intimate and by far, the most trusting thing you can do with your partner. Anyways, that isn't to do with cheating, but certainly fostering the new movement. I feel as though we are moving back into what was experienced in the 60's with free love for all.... meh!

Sing it sister! I agree with most of what you say although I have no problems with free love if you're unattached. But it's when you make that special commitment to love and then totally disregard what it means that the true crime is committed.

OK I agree.... as long as your unattached I guess anything goes that is ok with you... what I really meant was for even those attached.. it seems as though those are the rules...

Hi, after recently becoming a victim of the "younger generation",(yes a 16 year old) when i am only 25 myself and the male that we are refering to is 35 i think its discusting that men with a family can have the nerve to cheat and betray their famiies and to go through the lies, with someone to be young enough to be their daughter, when they have 2 daughters under the age of 6, under any circumstances it does not deserve a second chance, you will never believe what they say to you again, when you find out they lied to you , and you should'nt give them a second chance, as they only think they have got away with it, and then they think they can get away with it all the time but eventually you will see the light. In any circumstance it is NOT OK to be with somebody other than the person you are in a relationship with. If you decide that you no longer want to be with the person, who you thought you did, , BEFORE YOU CHEAT, you should tell the person who you are with, rather than being deceitful and letting them unravel the puzzle themselves.Just be honest!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if anyone else thinks that there husband/man is cheating if he has done on-line chatting using date sites? By accident, I found out that he recently in the last 2 months had been using 2 sites. One is more of a sex match up service where he gets to view naked women and then send them a wink, etc. The other one just had regular photos, but I discovered he was using them both and now I feel devastated and so hurt. He sent emails saying when and where to meet one of these women and other emails about how hot and sexy they were and what he would like to do with them sexually. I confronted him and he said he has now cancelled the subscription. But sorry, that does not make it all better. It my mind, it is not a joke, as he puts it. I can't help feeling that I have been dis-respected as the mother of his kids and a loyal and devoted wife. Am I old-fashioned to have feelings and to feel this way. I wonder if there are any decent men out there at all. They all seem to be liars, sneaky and dishonest with women. It makes me sick!!!!

Hey Anon,

Yeah, there are good guys out there. I know some of them. You can't really control the people you date but you can choose whether or not you stay with them. This guy is not the guy for you. It isn't a joke. What he did was cruel and you deserve better. And not just better, you deserve perfect devotion. We all do. Anyway, I'm glad you see this guy for what he is. Just don't take it out on the rest of the world. There are good guys wandering the earth. Now you're just a step closer to finding one. ;)

If you want to be some ones fool than put up with his bad behavior. I think anyone that puts up with a cheater is ill. Don’t put up with a person like this. He needs help. He needs god in his life. I feel sad for a person like this. He will be a very lonely person as time goes. By love your self and be strong to leave this cheater. There are too many good guys that wish to have good women like us. I am waiting for the right guy to come along.

hey im 16 and i recently got pregnant and had a miscarriage at 10 weeks the very next day i found out that my boyfriend was talking to other girls on myspace he has never done anything with anyone but me but he was saying some things that he was gonna do to them and he was talking to them on the phone when i found out i called him right then and i was gonna break up with him but the way he sounded on the phone he sounded like he was crying so i stayed with him later i found out he was talking to the same girl again because his sister told me when i asked him about it he said it wasn't true then he broke up with me the next day we were back together for a while then i went to the doctor and found out i had genital warts he said i gave them to him so he broke up with me (neither one of us had them the first time we did something) while we were broke up he dated a girl but they didn't do anything but kiss he broke up with her because she cheated on him. A week after we broke up we got back together and now he's still talkin to other girls on the internet and he knows i know but i can't break up with him i love him so much i dont know what to do some people say its because he's young and im the only girl he's been with but please help me what should i do?

Hey Kayla,

I've been where you are. You're in a tough spot. I'd like to blame his actions on age but I think we both know that, even at 16, there is a right and a wrong and cheating on your girlfriend is certainly the latter. When you're in love and you have someone close to you for so long, it's hard to see your life without them in it, but don't you deserve someone who is going to fall madly in love with you from the first day and keep loving you like that until your last day? We choose what situations we bring into our lives. You can choose whether or not you want this pain to stop. You can say that you've had enough and tomorrow you won't have to worry about him any more. You'll be free to find that dream man, because clearly your dream man will never cheat on you or make you worry that he's looking for play elsewhere. It's a hard decision to make, but trust me when I say it's a lot harder going through the weeks and month and years in a relationship without trust.

You won't find Mr Right if Mr Wrong is sleeping in his bed. Kick him out, wash the sheets and get ready for a love much stronger and deeper than what you're feeling now.

Doug

hey doug,

thanks for the help i know it is very hard everyone is telling me to leave him its so hard though because i am really good friends with his sister and i still want to see his family and everytime i go down there he is there but i dont want my relationship with his family to go bad just because of me and him your earlier info. helped but i was wondering if you had any suggestions about this problem

That's another tough one, Kayla. Let me say this: I have always cut ties with anyone involved with my ex's--at least for a little while. My last major relationship went sour and I cut off friends, her family--even my own family. It felt good to have that distance at the time, but I lost some really valuable friendships. I think now I'd do it differently. I would stay in touch with the people I care about and deal with the pain.

Having said that, you will have to weigh the value of your relationships with his family. Can you see yourself hanging out with them a year from now? What about ten years from now? If the answer is yes, then you owe it to yourself to make those relationships work. Friendships that are honest and true aren't always easy to come by. Hold on to those you find with all your might.

The only caveat to this involves your relationship with your ex. You are going to need to have strength because any relationship with his family will put you in close contact with him, and we know he's not the right guy for you. Can you do that? Can you deal with hearing about him, who he's seeing and what he's doing without it causing you pain--or worse, falling back in love? If so, my hat is off to you. ;)

Who knew relationships were going to be this hard? In the end, though, finding the right relationship is worth all the struggles you'll face getting there. Here's hoping this move will get you that much closer to the man you really deserve!

I am 21 years old with a one year old daughter. I have been married for 3 years. My husband cheated on me about a year ago. I was devastated and hurt beyond belief. I was so madly in love with him and thought he felt the same. We got back together after he ran up our credit card bills past their limit. He spent the credit cards a strip clubs and bought himself a car. He came back promising to never cheat again. He promised me he wouldn't even look at porn. However, just recently I caught him looking at porn sites. I was furious. He promised me again he wouldn't look at porn sites so we stayed together. However, I caught him again looking at porn sites. Do all guys look at porn? Is it wrong to divorce him over porn? I am so confused, hurt and furious. He still at home....I don't know whether I should break our family apart and make him leave or if I should let him stay.

Hey Valerie,

Leaving a relationship when there are children involved is a big decision. However, in my experience, it's a bigger crime to stay in a relationship if you're not happy. I think your daughter would want that for you, even if she's too young to voice that now.

I'm not sure that looking at porn is a huge crime compared to cheating on someone or wracking up credit card debt. Sex is a natural instinct for both men and women but there are positive ways of dealing with it. You shouldn't ever have to worry about your husbands loyalties. If he's lied to you about sleeping around, been irresponsible with something as important as your credit and has lied to you about his interests in "entertainment," I don't think that porn is your big problem. Trust is. And what is a relationship without trust?

Ask people you trust to give you their opinions, but in the end, you need to follow your heart. I would think it's best for you to move on, though. If you do, a new and better life is about to begin, no matter how hard it seems right now. That much I can guarantee. ;)

Thank you so much for your input.It really does mean a lot to me. Yes, trust is essential in all relationships. I am going to carefully think over our relationship and choose the best decision. Thank you....

I couldn't believe it when my husband cheated on me, my one and only so l used to believe, and you know what l took him back and surely he got away with it, and he has been cheating since then, once a cheater always a cheater.Some man are surely evil. Thank God l work so hard ,, l am managing to take care of my one and only princess, she will be three soon, she just keeps me going, please could someone help me out there, l really want to get rid of this cheat before l die.

I just recently got my girlfriend secretly emailing and talking to her long time friend. Here is some of the emails I got hold of. Help will be greatly appreciated.

----We couldn't publish what followed. See Comment below.

Hi Secreterces,

I'm sorry we couldn't publish the rest of your post, but we were worried about potential privacy issues.

Frankly, I don't know what to say. I feel for you. On the one hand I can't really condone searching a person's e-mail account. That said, we all have moments of weakness and the discovery you've made has got to be heartbreaking.

I don't know what I'd do if I were you. I think I might just walk away. I don't think I'd find the relationship salvageable, but on the other hand I don't know the full story. I suppose you really need to sit down and talk with your girlfriend and find out what the situation is and where you want to go from here.

I wish I could give you better advice, and I wish you well.

Leon

hi.my name is laine and i just read the one about his girlfriends emails. now i dont condone it either, but when i got on the computer this evening my husband of 7 years hadent signed out of hie emails and i read 3 of them. the first was from a woman expecting to see him tomorrow night, the other 2 were from a different woman,both said how much they were looking forward to finally meeting him.that atleast lets me know he hasent YET.i know for a fact he has never cheated before, he really always has been one of those"good" guys we hear about so much. and the only reason i even opened the first email was because it was from someone with the same name as our daughter and i thought it had something to do with her. i havent confronted him yet,he is sleeping the night away. i did send him an email telling him what i saw and just how far gone i will be by the time he reads it. i will not be sticking around, bet your ass on that. my question is should i even waste my time listening to him stutter and stumble out some no good excuse? thanks for reading, laine