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September 12, 2007
When All Trust Is Gone, And Gone For Good
I'm not going to blow anybody's mind when I say this, but trust has got to be one of the most basic foundations of a decent relationship. Trust can elevate a good time to a rock solid bond. Let's face it, no one wants to devote a huge amount of time and energy for someone who can't be entrusted to do the simplest things. Not that baseless faith is anything to be happy about either. When all trust is gone, we have to ask ourselves, "Is this worthwhile? Can this guy/gal be there for me when the going gets tough?"
Trust isn't necessarily all about love. You can love someone whom you wouldn't trust--and that's part of the problem. I can recall a few relationships in the past that have led absolutely nowhere, due mostly to the fact that those people couldn't be trusted to fill an ice cube tray, much less a relationship. I've always found that believing in someones capabilities (and actually seeing some concrete results) has to go hand in hand with whatever emotional longing I might have for that person. Without some kind of faith, it's pretty hard to invest any kind of emotion or even open yourself up to another human being.
On other hand you don't want to be someone who doesn't trust ANYBODY. I've known friends who experienced some horrifying relationship problems (usually one in which they got ditched for somebody else) and now view everybody with suspicion. Catching a cheating spouse or lover is horrible, but just because it occurred once does not mean that everyone is losing sleep trying to think of ways to have an affair. Faith in small doses can be a good thing, just not leaps of faith that make you believe that your boyfriend really DOES have to leave you to explore Botswana. You still need to trust enough to believe that people can be pretty decent if you give them a chance.
When all trust is gone, and gone for good, you can wind up with a lot of anger in a relationship, and most people don't enjoy being in simmering, seething, resentful partnerships. When people open up to the right person, it can be beautiful to watch. It isn't so pretty to watch two people shut down and cut each other out of the picture. Do you remember American Beauty? Annette Benning and Kevin Spacey may have looked good together, but the two characters couldn't see a single action that wasn't laced with suspicion and guilt. We have to be careful not to fall into the no-trust trap that so many Hollywood suburban tragedies revolve around. Here's hoping you're able to find the right balance of trust and suspicion before all trust is gone... and gone for good.
Posted by Glen at September 12, 2007 2:03 AM
