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October 12, 2011
You Can Kiss All Hopes Of Shy Love Goodbye
You've all heard the expression "nice guys finish last," but what people don't realize is that they at least finish at some point. Shy guys on the other hand? Well, you never exactly hear about shy love on dating personals very often, do you? The problem isn't so much with the timid dater, so much as how we're all greedy sociopaths. It's why I always tell guys trying to get out of the "friend zone" to immediately give up. There's a sound logic, here, so allow me to explain.
You see, what women truly want is consistent spontaneity. If they meet a guy who is spontaneous, they'll immediately classify him as such. But it's a mental thing. They look at him and say "this guy is always spontaneous." The key word being "always," here. If someone mentally classified as a shy love interest were to try and switch things up, then they'd make the object of their desire subconsciously feel lied to. Once that happens, guys indeed escape the dreaded friend zone, but only because the ladies now want nothing to do with his faux-untrustworthiness.
Men do something similar. How often have you seen a guy chase after a sexy hot girl who has a dreadful personality? Without realizing it, he's trying to construct the perfect woman by going after someone incredibly sexy and then hoping to influence her into having a different personality than she already does. If that sounds pathetic to any of the ladies out there, keep in mind that they're notorious for doing the same.
How many women have had major relationship problems because they tried to change guy? How many have complained that they only date jerks and never meet a nice guy (often ironically mentioning this to a nice guy)?
What happens here is that jerks are loud and obnoxious. While they're a pain to be around, it also comes off as them having more confidence than they know how to deal with. So these women are more attracted to the jerk than to the nice guy, not because the latter is no good, but because the former is perceived as having the possibility to become amazing.
Confidence being the hottest and most desired trait in both men and women leads both genders to assume that we can "fix what's wrong" with a person, thus transforming them into the perfect date. The only problem here is that you can't mold someone into your fantasy. It's unfortunately something everybody tries to do, so anyone stuck in the friend zone should abandon any thoughts of shy love. Instead, just try to exude as much confidence as you can whenever you meet someone new.
Posted by brian at October 12, 2011 2:07 AM
